Nothing used to be off-limits when talking about sex. Now I'm in a long-term relationship, why is it taboo? | Natasha Sholl

The Stigma Surrounding Sex in Long-Term Relationships is Unjustified

For many, sex has always been a natural topic of conversation, especially among friends who are single or navigating new relationships. However, the moment an individual enters into a long-term partnership, discussions about their intimate life become a no-go zone.

Natasha Sholl, a married woman of 17 years, recounts how her approach to talking about sex has changed over time. "In my youth, nothing was off-limits when it came to discussing our sex lives," she says. However, now that she's in a long-term relationship, the mere mention of her sex life is considered taboo.

Sholl attributes this reluctance to discussing intimacy in long-term relationships as an outdated notion that borders on hypocrisy. When friends share stories about their parenting experiences, work dramas, or family dynamics, there's no hesitation or judgment. The same goes for conversations about grief, trauma, and their overall well-being.

The author highlights the double standard when it comes to sharing personal details in long-term relationships. She shares a poignant anecdote about Robert Delaney's memoir, "A Heart That Works," where the author candidly discusses having sex during his son's brain surgery – a testament that love can manifest as intimacy even in the most challenging times.

This sparked a discussion among Sholl's friends about the importance of talking openly about their intimate lives. They realized that sex is often an integral part of life, not just limited to new relationships or romantic endeavors. This conversation also touched on post-miscarriage sex, trauma, and its impact on relationships – all topics commonly discussed in everyday life.

The stigma surrounding long-term relationships' discussions of intimacy is puzzling. Why does married sex seem to carry a different weight than, say, house renovations? Practice indeed makes perfect; it's time to rethink the notion that long-term relationships should prioritize a certain level of physical intimacy over open conversation.

By normalizing these conversations, individuals can cultivate deeper connections with their partners and foster an environment where trust, understanding, and vulnerability thrive. As Sholl so poignantly puts it, "I'd much rather hear about your fantasies and self-pleasure than your new granite benchtop."

I mean, come on! It's like, we're living in the 2020s now , and people are still shying away from talking about their sex lives? I get it, some stuff can be awkward, but what's the harm in having a conversation about it with your partner? It's not like you're gonna make anyone uncomfortable or anything. And honestly, isn't that just another way of saying "I don't trust you enough to talk about our sex life" ? I mean, what's the alternative? Having some sort of secret society where only married couples can discuss their fantasies and intimate experiences? That's just not how it works. We need to normalize these conversations and stop making long-term relationships feel like some sort of weird, platonic game. It's time to get real about intimacy and sex in partnerships!

I remember when my friends and I used to talk about everything, no holds barred ... like how we were going to have kids, or if our partner was cheating on us. But now it's all so different. It feels like as soon as you're in a long-term relationship, people just assume that everyone is perfect and never fights . Newsflash: relationships are hard work! You need to be able to talk about the good stuff and the bad stuff with your partner.

I mean, why do we still have this weird stigma around talking about sex? It's not like it's a dirty word or anything . We're more than just our bodies, but our bodies are a part of who we are too. If my husband and I were going through some issues, would you rather hear about the drama or talk about how to fix it?

And don't even get me started on post-miscarriage sex ... that's something anyone should be able to talk about openly and honestly with their partner. It's not just a medical issue, it's emotional too.

I think we need to stop making assumptions about long-term relationships and start having real conversations . We need to prioritize trust, understanding, and vulnerability over what others think is "acceptable". Let's get rid of this stigma and normalize the talk

You know I'm gonna say this... if people can openly discuss their house renovations, why not sex? It's like they're creating this weird double standard where intimate stuff is just off limits. Like, Natasha Sholl's husband has been with her for 17 years and she's still gotta be "careful" about talking about it? Give me a break! She's right, though - intimacy should be normal in any relationship, not just the honeymoon phase. If they can have deep conversations about parenting or work stuff, why not their sex life? It's all about trust and communication, right? I mean, who doesn't want to talk about their fantasies with their partner? It's all about creating a safe space for vulnerability... and it's time we rethink this stigma surrounding long-term relationships.

I totally get why people in long-term relationships feel like they need to be extra careful with the convo about sex . But honestly, can't we just chill out about it? Natasha Sholl is spot on that it's time to break free from this outdated notion that only new relationships or super serious talk get all the attention . Sex is a big part of life, especially after 17 years of marriage! My partner and I have some pretty interesting conversations (and not just about sex ) and it actually makes our relationship stronger . We're more open with each other because we trust each other completely . So let's give it up for Sholl and others who are normalizing these conversations – it's time to rethink the stigma surrounding long-term relationships' intimate talk

lol what's the deal with long-term couples being weird about talking sex lol... i mean, i get it, it's not always easy to broach that topic but shouldn't we be having those convo's anyway? like, 17 yrs into a relationship and you're still figuring out how to bring up your sex life? idk what's more cringeworthy, the awkwardness or the granite benchtop comment... btw, i'm all for being open & honest with ur partner but can we also just chill about making it a big deal in public too?

The notion that sex in long-term relationships is a sensitive topic deserves a reevaluation . It's as if we've internalized the idea that our intimacy should be kept hidden behind closed doors, like some sort of private experiment. Newsflash: our bodies are not experiments, and our relationships are built on trust and communication.

The double standard surrounding conversations about sex is staggering. We discuss everything from parenting to work dramas with equal ease, yet intimate topics become off-limits the moment we're in a long-term partnership. It's time to recognize that our sex lives are an integral part of who we are as individuals, not just as partners.

Let's normalize discussions about sex, intimacy, and relationships. By doing so, we can create a culture where trust, understanding, and vulnerability thrive .

I feel like Natasha is totally right, you know? It's like we're expected to put on a different hat when we get into a long-term relationship. Like, we should be all 'romantic' and not talk about the messy stuff that actually keeps us sane together . But honestly, why can't we just talk openly about it? It's our lives, right? We're already sharing everything else with each other - work drama, family issues, financial stress... but somehow having sex is off-limits . I think it's time to break that stigma and have those conversations . Our partners will appreciate it, and we'll all be stronger for it .

sex is just like any other conversation topic u know how ppl r always goin on about their kids or work drama but no one bats an eyelid when they're talkin about sex in a relationship it's weird how quickly the convo changes when ur in a long-term one gotta admit i've had some awkward moments myself where my partner just shut down the topic

I'm telling you, this is a classic case of the powers that be trying to control our minds . They want us to believe that sex in long-term relationships is some kind of taboo topic, so we don't talk about it and keep everyone's thoughts locked up tight . But what if I told you that this is all just a way to distract us from the real issues? Like, have you ever stopped to think why they make us sign those weird marriage contracts when we get hitched? It's like they're trying to bind us to something without even asking for our consent! And don't even get me started on the whole " sex is only for new relationships" thing... it's just a way to keep us feeling inadequate and insecure . But I'm calling BS, folks . We need to start having these conversations and demanding that our partners talk openly with us about their desires and boundaries. Anything less is just hiding the truth !

ugh sex shouldnt b a no-go zone in long-term relationships!! people r like what's wrong w/ talkin bout ur fantasys & intimacy w/ ur partner ?? its all about trust & understanding u cant build that by keepin it locked away like how u do w/ ur parenting or work dramas grief trauma stuff is all good 2 discuss u should b able 2 share ur sex life w/ ur partner n not b judged or shamed its time 4 a change let's break the stigma & have more open conversations about our intimate lives

omg sex is a natural part of relationships!!! why can't ppl just be open & honest with each other ?? it's not like it's gonna hurt anyone my friends r always gossiping about their partners' drama, but sex?? that's the big bad sin i think it's super unfair to expect married ppl to keep it all bottled up inside let's talk about all the juicy stuff post-miscarriage sex, trauma, fantasies... everything should be on the table trust me, deeper connections are made when we're all vulnerable & open with each other

I mean think about it... if you're talking to friends about all the other stuff that's going on in their lives, why not sex? It's like, when you've got a good relationship, shouldn't you be able to dish out the deets without it being weird? I get that some people might be uncomfortable, but that's just 'cause they're awkward... not because it's inherently wrong. And honestly, who knows what their partner is really thinking anyway? The whole stigma thing feels like a bunch of old-school nonsense to me. We should be having these conversations, not avoiding them because we're worried about being judged. It's all about trust and communication... or lack thereof.

the thing is, i think this stigma stuff is super weird... like, sex is just a part of life, ya know? and if you're in a long-term relationship, it's not like your partner is gonna magically become boring or whatever. they're still human beings with feelings and desires

i mean, we don't really bat an eye when friends share their parenting struggles or work drama... but sex is somehow "off limits"? that just doesn't add up to me. and honestly, it's kinda messed up that people are so uncomfortable talking about this stuff... i think it's time for a major attitude shift

it's wild how we're conditioned to keep our sex lives private, like its some kind of secret that's gonna ruin the relationship... but honestly, isn't sharing stuff with each other what makes relationships stronger? think about it, if your partner knows all the little things about you, they can give you better support and be more understanding when life gets tough... it's not about being loud or proud, it's about being real & vulnerable together

I think its kinda weird how sex in long-term relationships is considered off limits , like why should that be? We chat about our kids, work, and everything else, but the minute we're in a relationship, it's suddenly all hush hush . Its not like its gonna hurt anyone to talk about whats going on down there . And honestly, if my partner wants to tell me they had sex during their son's surgery , I'd be like "cool" . We should be having those kinds of conversations, not avoiding them . Its all about trust and communication, you know?

can't believe we still live in a world where sex is like a dirty little secret ‍. like how can you just avoid talking about something that's super normal for most people? it makes me wonder if it's because we're all too embarrassed or scared to be vulnerable with each other. and honestly, what's the point of having an open relationship if you're not gonna have these kinds of conversations ‍?

and i totally get why Natasha Sholl said that about her friends' reactions - it's like sex is this one topic that's off-limits or something . but let's be real, intimacy is a big part of life, especially for people in long-term relationships . and if you can't talk about it, how do you know what your partner wants?

i think the problem here is that we've been conditioned to believe that sex is something private and personal, but why should that be? shouldn't our partners be able to say what they want and need when it comes to intimacy?

its like why we gotta be weird about sex in long term relationships lol i feel like its normal for ppl to talk about their sex life with friends who are single, but then they become a married couple and its like omg noooo don't say that out loud

think its a good thing that people are starting to talk more openly about their sex lives, even in long-term relationships . its not like they're gonna hurt anyone by sharing what goes on between the sheets . and honestly, who cares if you've been together for 17 years or just met last week? conversation is key, and intimacy is not exclusive to new romances .

[Image of a couple having a conversation with a big smile on their faces ]