Dear Abby: Couple's marriage is mired in the doldrums of middle age

A once-sizzling flame has dwindled to a smoldering ember for one couple approaching middle age. Thirty-plus years of marriage have left husband and wife, now in their mid-50s, feeling like two strangers living separate lives. Gone are the carefree days of hand-holding and laughter, replaced by a sense of listlessness and longing.

Their love remains, but it's no longer enough to bridge the chasm that's grown between them. The couple's lives have become so disconnected that they hardly touch anymore, and their interactions feel more like a chore than a genuine connection. Even small gestures, once a symbol of affection, now go unappreciated.

The husband's partially disabled wife has lost her sense of purpose outside the home, having given up activities she enjoyed with her partner 20 years ago. It's not just physical limitations that have stifled their love; it's also a lack of shared experiences and interests that once brought them together.

As they watch their children grow older, the couple is forced to confront the reality that their marriage may be stuck in neutral for the foreseeable future. Can this loving partnership find its way back to the excitement and joy that defined their early years together? Or will it continue to trudge through the monotony of middle age?

Dear Abby suggests seeking professional help – specifically, couples counseling – as a starting point for reigniting the spark between them. The columnist acknowledges that marriage evolves over time, but ultimately, it requires effort from both partners to nurture and strengthen their bond.

A lighter note is provided by a reader who shared a mortifying encounter with an elderly woman's table manners. While the anecdote serves as a reminder of the importance of basic etiquette, it also underscores how people's priorities can shift over time, leaving them feeling out of touch with societal norms.

In contrast, Dear Abby offers words of wisdom on the challenges facing teenagers today, including issues related to sex, relationships, and social etiquette. Her advice is designed to equip young people with the tools they need to navigate the complexities of growing up.
 
I feel so bad for this couple 🤕. 30+ years of marriage should be a strong foundation, but it sounds like their love has just gotten lost in the daily grind 😴. I mean, it's not uncommon for couples to grow apart as they get older, but it's still sad to see them feeling like strangers in their own home 🏠. I think counseling is a great idea, though - it takes two people working together to reignite that spark 🔥. And let's be real, life gets busy and priorities change, but that doesn't mean we should forget basic etiquette 😂! On a lighter note, I've been using the Pomodoro timer to boost my productivity at work 🕒. Works like a charm for me!
 
I'm totally with the wife here 🙅‍♀️. I think couples counseling is a total waste of time and money. What's wrong with just accepting that their love has changed and moved on from all that crazy romance stuff? They can't relive their youth and expect to recapture it, it's not gonna happen. The problem is too deep-seated. They need to stop trying to fix each other and start focusing on themselves individually. Like, she shouldn't feel like she needs her husband's permission to do something just because of her disability. That's not love, that's codependency 🤦‍♀️.
 
Ugh, this couple's situation is so depressing 🤕. They're basically two strangers living in the same house, it's crazy. I mean, what happened to their love? Did they just stop making an effort or something? And now they're relying on couples counseling to fix everything? It's like, yeah, maybe that can help, but where was all this effort 20 years ago when they were young and carefree? 🤔

And don't even get me started on the lack of shared experiences and interests. That just sounds like a cop-out to me. They should be finding new things to do together, trying new things, not just sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. 💁‍♀️

I'm all for helping couples work through their issues, but this just feels like a case of "oh no, our love is gone" instead of "we're gonna find ways to make it work". 🤷‍♂️
 
omg u no how hard it is 2 keep da spark alive in a long-term relationship 🤗?? i feel for dis couple, been dere 4 decades w/ my bae & we r still goin strong!!! we just have 2 make time 4 each othr & find new interests 2gether 😊. its not about physical touch, its bout da emotional connection 2... but u gotta admit, it's scary 2 think dat maybe, just maybe, ur love isnt enuf 2 hold on 2 🤔
 
I mean, can you even imagine being in a situation where you're married for over 30 years and it just feels like you're going through the motions? Like, what happened to all that love and laughter? I know it's not always easy, and we all go through ups and downs, but this couple sounds like they're stuck in neutral. I'm like, what would you do if someone told you your life was like a movie where you just keep playing the same scene over and over again?

I think couples counseling is a great idea, 'cause at the end of the day, it's all about communication and finding that spark again. It's not always easy, but sometimes you gotta take a step back and figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. But, like, can we talk about how social etiquette has just gone down the drain? Like, who taught this lady some basic manners? And don't even get me started on teenagers today... they need some real advice, not just "be yourself"... what does that even mean anymore?

And I feel for them, you know? They've got kids to think about and a life to live. But at the same time, it's like, if you're not feeling the spark, maybe it's time to rekindle it. I don't have all the answers, but one thing's for sure... communication is key!
 
ugh i dont get why they cant just have a talk about what's going on its like theyre two strangers living in the same house lol 🤷‍♀️

i mean its not all doom and gloom though i know some people who are still super into their partner even after 30+ years together that's pretty cool imo

and omg table manners are soooo important dont be that person who uses your phone at the dinner table ugh 🤮
 
Ugh I feel so bad for this couple 🤕 their love is still there but it's been suffocated by life and responsibilities... I mean I know marriage takes work but it's not like they're asking to be apart or anything 😔 20 years ago they were laughing and holding hands now it's just small gestures that feel forced... what happened to shared experiences and interests? 🤷‍♀️

I don't know about seeking professional help but maybe they should try having a real conversation instead of just going through the motions 🗣️ couples counseling is cool and all but sometimes a good old fashioned venting session would do wonders for their relationship... just saying 💬
 
man... I feel like we're losing that magic in our marriages nowadays 🤷‍♂️. thirty years together and it's like you're just going through the motions, you know? the wife's lost her sense of purpose outside the home and the husband's gotta live with that 😔. and yeah, couples counseling is a good idea, but let's be real, it takes effort from both sides to make it work. I mean, we all talk about how marriage has evolved over time, but sometimes it feels like we're just trying to hold on to what we had in the past instead of embracing the new us 🙃.

and can we talk about how different priorities become? like, remember when holding hands was a thing? now it's more like a chore 😒. I'm not saying relationships are easy, but it's like... middle age is just different, you know? 🔥
 
I feel so bad for this couple 🤕 Their marriage sounds like it's been simmering along for years and I think that's super common in today's society. We're all so busy with work, school, and life stuff that it's easy to let our relationships fall by the wayside. But honestly, I think they should totally try couples counseling! It can't hurt to have a neutral third person to help them communicate better 🤝 My friends and I always talk about how hard it is to maintain those long-term relationships, but I think with the right mindset (and some guidance), you can reignite that spark 🔥
 
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